Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
