I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
