did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
