capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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