i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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