You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she smelled like a LAN party
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
