So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize