She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
