I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
why is half of my head shaved?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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