from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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