you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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