You can't special order awesome
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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