a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
