i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
