i would punch a child for taco bell
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
