Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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