he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize