Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize