Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
