I showed him my bush... on skype.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
