dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
