i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
