nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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