I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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