doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
