Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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