Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
