do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize