I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
