i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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