So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We got so high we made milksteak
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
