I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
