the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
