Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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