So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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