Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
