My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
