I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
