I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
