i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sober January is a disaster.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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