My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
