He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
