Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
