I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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