I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
NoShamevember. You game?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize