I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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