were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
