How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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