Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
