i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
