I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
