I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
