I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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