Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
