i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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