oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
