I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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