Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
