So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
