Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
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