How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
