His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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