Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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