I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
