And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
