her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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