i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
