Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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