Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You made out with two different species that night
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
