My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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