I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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