Sponge bath it is.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
